When I was about fifteen, someone on Soundcloud posted a remix by Matt Simons’s Catch & Release that pervaded every corner of my high school. In essence, Simons sings about unwinding and destressing. Candidly, this has nothing to do with the intent of this thought piece about dating. At least I think. 

Last week, Leo asked me out to dinner immediately after matching on Feeld and I found myself trying to analyze his profile IN DEPTH… aka zooming in on all his photos to warm myself up to the idea of sitting across a table from him over a meal. 

I don’t love a dinner date mostly because I have a small appetite and I’m a slow eater… so imagine trying to mix in conversation while I’m already struggling to finish my food. 

Leo has five photos on his profile: one of him holding up a menu at a restaurant (lol), one of him holding up a giant glass of wine (presumably taken by a short person sitting to his left… so now imagine the angle on this one), another one of him standing in front of a table with wine and a cheese board (lol again), one that looks like it was his Facebook profile photo in 2015 (hoodie, backpack, blurred background, clearly on a hike), and finally: one of him on a boat with the Golden Gate Bridge in the background… except its blurry effect makes it look like it’s a screenshot he took from his friend’s little sister’s TikTok. Perhaps she took the second photo too? 

Now what got me was his bio: “French in the US. Drawn to… emotionally alive people… with depth to make everything interesting… who can flirt, think, laugh, feel and stay present…. Here for connection that doesn’t stay surface level… and whatever unfolds when there’s real energy in the room”. O sea, jaw dropper. Bingo!! That’s totally me, you lucky bastard. Then I read it to a friend and quickly realized that he probably had ChatGPT write it (lol). 

In short: I say yes, we agree on a time, he makes a reservation, I get a little nervous about him being a catfish so I think about cancelling but ultimately I show up (late) looking fabulous even though I’m drenched in sweat (it was 90 degrees). I spotted him from a distance and thought he seemed nervous about whether I was going to show up (aw) before my jaw figuratively dropped. I thanked the universe, relieved that my blind faith in it was about to get me sat across a charming, dashing, handsome, sessy, slightly lanky, tall brunette with a full head of curly hair. We exchanged maybe 20 texts before meeting but there wasn’t a hint of awkwardness when we met (from my end at least). We had a glass of wine and shared a salad and a pizza at a restaurant in Brooklyn Heights before walking across the promenade (which I had lowkey planned for) and then spontaneously going to the Long Island Bar for a cosmo. 

He is a twin, the youngest of four, from Paris though he lived in NY for a year when he was five, a researcher, fluent in French, English, Spanish and Chinese (!) and based in CA after having spent a few years in London for uni. He’s a poet and a basketball player who recently got back into tennis; he also wears a blue leather bracelet with either an Interrobang or an Irony Mark (I can’t remember) that his friend gave to him because he is infamously sarcastic. Lastly, he shares his name with an ex.

We walked back to the subway, hugged goodbye and parted ways. I smiled embarassingly hard, mostly proud of myself for (1) making it out even though I hesitated and (2) pulling together an outfit I felt and looked good in. Obviously I was overjoyed from a time well-spent. Grateful for the conversation and dinner, too. 

Pero then comes the inevitable “what now” question. For me, there are three buckets: never see again,  explore for something potentially casual, or definitely see again. Leo was a “definitely see again” except he was probably a “never see again” (for now at least) by default because his home base is CA. Another Leo that I’d want to spend more time with if he wasn’t six hours away… what are the motherfucking odds? 

Writing this makes me wonder if Leo just disproved and exponentially surpassed my subconsciously low expectations for our date (lmao). On the other hand, I have a healthy intuition and an incredible conviction that the men I choose are “good” guys. This date helped prove that. 

However, I struggle with the practice of setting intentions for dating from the very beginning. Hinge has a feature where you can clearly state them: are you looking for a long-term relationship? Short-term relationship? Are you open to both? What about a life partner? Still figuring it out? 

En plan, I understand that it’s a helpful filter for those who do know and want alignment right off the bat. Pero it also seems limiting: I can’t imagine the number of dates I would have missed out on if I knew either one of our intentions. For me, dating is a low-stakes, fun way to meet people you might not otherwise meet while exploring a new bar or restaurant that might have taken you longer to try out. Best case scenario? You get to grow a relationship. Least best case scenario you got to try a new place out and practiced your social skills. I’d say learning a little more about what you like/need/want in a partner falls somewhere in between. 

What I’m not accounting for is a catch-and-realease date, like last week with Leo. How does one do catch & release dating? Should we not even? 

Google says that “people practice catch & release primarily for conservation… [it] ensures populations aren’t overfished… preserves the ecosystem’s balance and allows other[s] the same opportunity to enjoy the sport”

… still need to develop this metaphor …

Takeaways:

• YOLO – just do it because what do you have to lose – Embrace the situation as it is – let yourself unwind and relish the moment
• Gratitude 
• Reframe it as fun – got to dress up, share your story and hear someone else’s, try something new
• Use as an opportunity to collect data on what you like, need, want, etc.
• “Its okay to embarrass yourself in the pursuit of human connection btw”
  • Feel the feelings live the life and keep going – get excited for the next one 

El embrague nos enseña que para avanzar hay que soltar y que para avanzar es necesarios hacer cambio. Seguir adelante no importa lo que cueste así es la vida. (AG)