Two months into my first job, I cold emailed a colleague and requested (requested? sounds weird but we’ll go with it) a coffee chat because I was in too deep over my head, and drowning in the most unexpected reverse culture shock. I had seen his headshot and name on a template I had to fill out. After a quick LinkedIn search, I saw he was Lebanese and for whatever reason I was convinced he’d have some wisdom to share about navigating this odd bubble we worked in.

We zoomed. I’m not gonna lie, he didn’t really have the answers I was looking for. I can’t remember 90% of what we talked about, but of course the one thing that stuck is when he said: “It sounds to me that you’re beginning to feel the weight of reality. Welcome to adulthood.”

I don’t have much more to that story besides the fact that that line has stuck with me real good these past ten months. It’s like the bubblegum that you found stuck underneath your desk in elementary school (or substitute the gum for say a knee scab if that’s more to your liking); you know it’s there and that it’s kind of gross, but also can’t help the feeling that you lowkey want to keep picking at it. I always come back to a lot of my favorite notions, like how we are a mosaic of every person we’ve ever loved (known? This sounds more reasonable). I also keep thinking back to who I was a year ago, and what I would’ve said to myself or what I wish I had known before. And so here we are: writing about anything and everything.

I like to write. I don’t think I’m the most amazing at it, but I still do it. I also love to read, and one of the best feelings is when you read something that makes you feel like it was written just for you; it’s like the words are reaching out of the page (and the screen), and ever so slightly kissing (?) or dancing with your heart. That warm feeling when you are seen is unmatched.

Maybe you’re also another first gen, eldest CODA flung into the 1% of the “one percent” world you had no business being in (or so you thought). Maybe you’re another empath, or you’re also in the pits of grief. Maybe you’re just nosy! Whatever it is you are here for, gold star to you for making it this far. I hope you enjoy my word vomit, and stick around long enough to maybe feel some of the words dance with your heart (cringe).